Dedicated to my dear Cousin Mandy aka XiJia (in a totally non-sarcastic way)

ok. i shall drop the "Dear Blog" thingy... in courtesy of my cousin.

Juz an hour ago or so, i was DAMN upset, DAMN pissed off. By this cousin of mine. I totally couldn't understand Y she was so fucking upset over this stupid dinner which (i have to emphasize it once again) Me, Desmond, n Lester were coerced into paying for, in other words, treat. WE, didn't really view it as a TAY SISTERS' UNIT kinda gathering. so we went along with it, thinking tt it was a Desmond-Lester-TheirDad-7thAunt-Jessica-Mom-Dad-Me kind of dinner. cos that's wat we were there for. all is well until, my mom suddenly called up all the aunties............. ok. been thru this already. u shld know. Conclusion here: My Mom's the culprit.

Back to the dedication. I dropped a few comments on Mandy's blog. still abit emotionally unstable there. Yes me. She blasted me thru her Blog and I was so hurt becoz i had hoped tt she would have toned down her fire power.
Then I suddenly realised tt wat she was totally mad about was the way the sisters actually complained n criticised about her. nvr really giving good comments about her. I have for more than once tried to ask them to back off. but i guess, it's a very bad habit tt they have which they cannot for once get rid of. I suppose most moms have tt sort of idiotic problems.

Like take for example:
Mom sees Cousin doin a card for cousin's mom on mother's day.
Mom goes home expectin mom's daughter to make card for her too.
Mom finds no card.
Mom gets fucking pissed off thinking,"why she dun love me?"
Cousin's Mom tells mom happily tt cousin made card for mother's day.
Mom have no card to show off.
Mom either
(1)complains to cousin's mom n cousin's mom spreads word.
(2)scolds mom's daughter for not loving her.

Eventually, the daughter ends up fucking pissed rite??

Parents n adults, alwaz, nvr fails to look at all our faults and nvr lool at wat good we have done.

In Mandy's case, becoz u tend to be quieter during family gatherings, the Tay sisters hold it against u as they think u r like damn arrogant and u look down at them and dun even wan to talk to them. middle-aged adults esp have a tendency to be so much more sensitive, n we as young pple who can tolerate more nonsense shld be more careful in treading these danger zones.(in my opinion tt is)
Furthermore, by not smiling too often, they are taking it like u r pissed with them. so even if u dun mean it, they will feel threatened and try to sting u with their critisms which they think tt are right for u. which in turn causes the anger war going on til now.
still with me? ok.

Another pt here, is tt they really dun have the habit of telling good stuffs to anyone younger than them. They cannot bring themselves to praise their children, nephews and niece directly. Don't ask me. I dunno Y oso. guess it's just that conservative thingy.
Like for example,
Jia did damn good in her O'levels.(for old times' sake)
Min did not do as well for her Os.
Min's Mom praised Jia for outstanding results NOT IN FRONT OF JIA BUT IN FRONT OF MIN n scolded Min for the bad results.
Min was originally jealous of Jia being able to get into a Girls' school, and now, becoz of MOM's constant praising of Jia in front of Min (but not in front of Jia), Min becomes demoralised and pissed off at Mom for not being supportive of her instead at times like these.
Jia continues her everyday life without ever knowing tt Mom was praising her and Min was jealous of her.
This continues till the next "bad" thing that either Jia or Min did.
Then the cycle continues.

Another example (shorter) would be when my mom told me tt u want to get a cake for yr mom, i assume she knows tt u love yr mom already. Yes she does think tt u love yr mom. cos she was hinting me n Jessica about the mothers' day. but the next moment i dunno wat happened oso, yr mom called to say she's not going (in the 1st place i didn't know she was going), then my mom assumes tt it's u who goes out on mother's day, leaves yr mom alone n dun care about her. ok. i can sense anger reading this paragraph. the Tays love to manipulate words even if they are not true.

Somehow, i think the problem oso arises becos moms love to show off their children's achievements and filial piety. it's kinda of their trophy i guess.

As the both of us are of the same age and living in Singapore, Most comparisons evolve ard u n me. Yes. I do have my fair share of sarcastisim n criticism from the Tays. perhaps less these days.
U shld know how they alwaz blame me for almost everything that went wrong when we were young. back then, everyone assumes tt u r the angel and i m the devil. u fall down, everyone blames me. tt sort of thing.
But i guess, due to my family, esp my mom, had gruelled me into this play-doh. i can't take too much critism like u can stand up to them. I'm weak, feeble... One thing the family nvr know about me is tt i'm prone to tears whenever someone criticises me. So being a play-doh is totally the thingy for me to survive in this family. Wat the family wans i'll try n be watever they wan. it's in my blood now. Not tt I nvr tried to stand up to them, cos i really did. but the thing is i ended up crying.
Who really wans to be a moldable person?? I would definitely love to be a person who has her own mind set on something n will go all out to attain tt. Someone who saes wat she feels n blah. But it's juz not me. Unless to the closest thing or pple i'm with. At least, I nvr suck up, i merely try n put things across in the best light tt i could. i would nvr tell an ugly person straight like,"u r the fucking ugliest person tt i have ever seen." or even a simple "u r ugly."
NO. Tt'll totally cramp my style. ok. not style. pattern.
I m more likely to say, "wow, u have nice toes." or "hey, that's an awful nice dress u have there."
If that's sucking up to u, have it yr way man. u r entitled yr own opinions. to me, it's a way of communication n my policy is to be nice.
perhaps, there r times i can be abit crude. maybe somewhat crude. but i'll end up damn guilty, believe it or not.

ok. enuf about the play-doh gal.

I know tt u r nice in yr own way, cute (well, not really Boo-material u know..), and no longer the renegade tt u used to be. But I see u shutting yrself from all the Tays and they in turn, tries to pry open yr world, ending up poking u all over, so much so tt u wan to scream n shout n even KILL them. Maybe u dun realise it. but i think their opinions of u do matter to u yrself. cos in my case, when i was so down with their stinging critisms n bad light of me, all i wanted to do was to make them all love me for who i was n not constantly putting me down.
The Tays for sure do not know how to make pple feel better. only feel worst.
They wan for us to be wat they envision is ultimate goodness. and We'll probably rise up to heaven and stuffs. But little do they know wat damage they r doing to us. making us feel watever our efforts, all down the drain.

Of cos, i would hope for them to be more compromising rather us doing tt all the time. but it'll be tough.

okok. this is getting too bloody long. i have to get out of my office now. byez. hope u read it. thanks. n dun get mad if that's not wat u feel. cos tt's basically wat i think.